Chapter 10, The War of Two Individuals

Then I recalled my four years in university, during which I had only held a girl's hand at most. I learned to swim in hopes of guarding the swimming pool, wishing for a chance to be a hero and to have a moment of intimacy. I did not want to give my first kiss so carelessly to a little girl from ancient times. Instantly, I felt heartbroken and frustrated, my anger flaring up. I didn't care whether she was a princess or a pig; in a fit of rage, I grabbed the culprit who had no chance to escape, disregarding the pale-faced palace maids and eunuchs. I pinned her against the lacquered surface and gave her a good spanking, causing her to run away in tears. In the midst of the astonished, confused, worried, surprised, and admiring gazes of the crowd, I couldn't believe I had given my first kiss so carelessly to a little girl from ancient times. Instantly, I felt heartbroken and frustrated, my anger flaring up. I didn't care whether she was a princess or a pig; in a fit of rage, I grabbed the culprit who had no chance to escape, disregarding the pale-faced palace maids and eunuchs. I pinned her against the lacquered surface and gave her a good spanking, causing her to run away in tears. With every slap, I couldn't help but shout, "Stupid girl, this is what you get for not learning properly; taste my hand-cooked white meat." Moreover, it was evident that I had no awareness of offending the royal family, completely unconcerned about what I should be doing. I thought she would disappear after that, but two days later, she came back as if nothing had happened, appearing timid and delicate, which sent chills down my spine and made me suspicious. Was she perhaps traumatized or was there some conspiracy? So, I put on my fiercest expression and threatened her, "If you dare to cause me trouble, I will drag you into the dark forest where the sun doesn't shine and do XXX to you." I thought she would disappear after that, but two days later, she came back as if nothing had happened, appearing timid and delicate, which sent chills down my spine and made me suspicious. Was she perhaps traumatized or was there some conspiracy? So, I put on my fiercest expression and threatened her, "If you dare to cause me trouble, I will drag you into the dark forest where the sun doesn't shine and do XXX to you." As a result, she later, a bit scared yet somewhat expectant, secretly asked that guy Gao Lishi about the meaning of "dragging into the dark forest where the sun doesn't shine and doing XXX to you," which turned his face pale. From then on, I had a loyal eunuch following me closely like a shadow.

However, before that, I quickly experienced her formidable abilities. It was child's play for her to coax my subordinates into acting like horses. She would wildly kick people while hanging stones from a donkey's tail, secretly learn my cooking methods, and recklessly add ingredients to the officers' pots, causing them to suffer from vomiting and diarrhea for several days. Moreover, the cooking utensils inexplicably caught fire, ruining our dinner. It was bad enough that people within a hundred paces were splattered with soup, but she was so reckless that she caused a fire in the middle of the night, scattering our supply animals and making us think we were under night attack, leading to a chaotic night of commotion. Several ministers were so frightened in the confusion that they fell ill. Even worse, Yang Yuer was somehow thrown into the river by a startled horse and nearly drowned. When she was rescued, her hands and feet were icy cold, and she had no breath. The imperial physicians, having fled in a hurry, had not brought any needles, stones, or medicines with them. No matter how they tried to revive her, there was no response, and they could only stamp their feet in anxiety, muttering, "She is probably beyond saving." I noticed that the group of beautiful women attending to her were on the verge of tears. Ignoring the strange looks from others, especially the group of beauties who turned pale and then flushed, I leaned over her chest and detected a faint heartbeat. I performed artificial respiration and a full set of emergency compressions, my mouth and hands growing tired and sore. Finally, I managed to help her cough up some water, and when she regained her breath, she clung to my sleeve and began to sob. Everyone finally breathed a sigh of relief.